Should We Tip The Dealers?

JOE All right. I'll take care of the check. You guys can get the tip. Should be about a buck a piece. And you, when I come back, I want my book.

MR. WHITE Sorry. It's my book now.

JOE Hey, I changed my mind. Shoot this piece of shit, will you?
(They laugh.)

EDDIE All right. Everybody cough up some green for the little lady.
Come on. Throw in a buck.

MR. PINK Uh-uh. I don't tip.

EDDIE You don't tip?

MR. PINK No - I don't believe in it.

EDDIE You don't believe in tipping?

MR. BLUE You know what these chicks make? They make shit.

MR. PINK Don't give me that. She don't make enough money, she can quit.
(Mr. Blonde laughs.)

EDDIE I don't even know a fucking Jew who'd have the balls to say that. Let me just get this straight. You don't ever tip, huh?

MR. PINK I don't tip because society says I have to. Alright, I mean I'll tip if somebody really deserves a tip, if they really put forth the effort, I'll give 'em something extra, but I mean this tipping automatically is for the birds.
(Eddie laughs.)
I mean as far as I'm concerned they're just doing their job.

MR. BLUE Hey, this girl was nice.

MR. PINK She was OK - but she wasn't anything special.

MR. BLUE What's special, take you in the back and suck your dick?
(They laugh.)

EDDIE I'd go over 12% for that.

MR. PINK Hey Look, I ordered coffee, right? Now we've been here a long fuckin time, and she's only filled my cup three times. When I order coffee, I want it filled six times

MR. BLONDE Six times? Well, you know, what if she's too fucking busy?

MR. PINK Words "too fucking busy" shouldn't be in a waitress' vocabulary.

EDDIE Excuse me, Mr. Pink - the last fucking thing you need's another cup of coffee.

MR. PINK Jesus Christ - I mean these ladies aren't starving to death. They make minimum wage. You know, I used to work minimum wage. And when I did, I wasn't lucky enough to have a job society deemed tip-worthy.

MR. BLUE You don't care they're counting on your tips to live?
(Mr. Pink rubs two of his fingers together.)

MR. PINK You know what this is? It's the world's smallest violin playing just for the waitresses.

MR. WHITE You don't have any idea what you're talking about. These people bust their ass. This is a hard job.

MR. PINK So's working at McDonald's, but you don't feel the need to tip them, do you? Why not? They're servin ya food. But no, society says don't tip these guys over here, but tip these guys over here. That's bullshit.

MR. WHITE Waitressing is the number one occupation for female noncollege graduates in this country. It's the one job basically any woman can get and make a living on. The reason is because of their tips.

MR. PINK (pauses) Fuck all that.
(They all laugh.)

MR. BROWN Jesus Christ!

MR. PINK Hey, I'm very sorry that the government taxes their tips. That's fucked up. That ain't my fault. It would appear that waitresses are just one of the many groups the government fucks in the ass on a regular basis. You show me a paper says the government shouldn't do that, I'll sign it. Put it to a vote, I'll vote for it. But what I won't do is play ball. And this non-college bullshit you're giving me, I got two words for that: "Learn to fuckin type." Cause if you're expecting me to help out with the rent, you're in for a big fuckin' surprise.

MR. ORANGE Hey - he's convinced me. Give me my dollar back.

EDDIE Hey! Leave the dollars there.

JOE All right, ramblers, let's get ramblin'. Wait a minute. Who didn't throw in?

MR. ORANGE Mr. Pink.

JOE Mr. Pink? Why not?

MR. ORANGE He don't tip.

JOE He don't tip? What do you mean you don't tip?

MR. ORANGE He don't believe in it.

JOE Shut up. What do you mean you don't believe in it? Come on, you, cough up a buck, you cheap bastard. I paid for your goddamn breakfast.

MR. PINK Alright - since you paid for the breakfast, I'll put in, but normally I would never do this.

JOE Never mind what you normally would do. Just cough in your goddamn buck like everybody else. Thank you.


I rest my case.........

Another Empire Hairy Crapshoot

I've gone and done it, tried the hairy crapshoot again and had a diffucult tournament. I played two hands, they being AQ and AK, banged my chips in both times, got called by 22 and 44, lost both times to sets (even though they didn't need them), then got the train home. Not much to write about but I'll have a go.

The players at The Empire crapshoot are so bad it hurts. Now I like playing against bad players, but this lot think they know it all because they saw some poker on TV once. No one could shuffle or deal last night so a bloke said he would do it as he had dealt before. I could have done it but all that work for no tips? No way. So the 'dealer' starts off with a mis deal and proceeds to start a long conversation in Russian with the pig sitting opposite him (they've really relaxed the membership requirements at the Empire). Good start. Later on a player makes a call, someone goes all in and the limper finds he has no cards. The 'dealer' has taken his cards and mucked them as he hasn't protected them, the limper then takes his bet back as he has no cards! I sit there in despair but I'm not in the hand so I keep quiet. It's not good for blood pressure getting involved.....
To cut a long story short I was almost glad to get busted out. That's probably the worst 60 quid I've ever spent.....

A Truly Miserable Week.

I promise I will end this post on a happy note!

What an awful week. I upset my big boss on Tuesday during a miserable meeting, where I was tired, hacked off with politics, back to work too soon and trying to defend my empire I've spent five years building. I'll probably be moved somewhere I don't want to go now, which is my fault for not being a yes man. At least I know I stand up for what I believe in.....

I was really looking forward to the weekend. I was either going to go to Thanet on Friday night, or The Empire Leicester Square on Saturday and/or Sunday for their afternoon tourney. Instead I spent the weekend in bed with a rotten cold watching Charlton lose 2-5, and sacking their manager. I managed to play a few online games on Virgin and Betfair and got hit by river four outers a few times before turning the system off in disgust. I find it hard to take solace in the fact that I'm getting the chips in as a massive favourite when someone hits their miracle deuce, but I know I must.

The highlight of the weekend was watching ESPN's coverage of the WSOP final table. I thought there were some very nervous plays and questionable all ins from the players. It was very entertaining though. I was glad Dennis Philips got third after nearly blowing it on the first few hands. I wish he'd have taken it down as he'd probably been a bit happier than Eastgate about it. Next year I will spend $500 on trying to qualify for the main event. Instead of going to the pub a few times I'll load up Full Tilt and try and get a seat. (Who am I kidding I'll go to the pub first and do it drunk!)

In the imortal words of D-Ream "Things can only get better!"

The Empire Hairy Crapshoot

I ended up at The good old Empire tonight for the £20 rebuy. It was busy, with 50 runners and a very quick blind structure. There was far too much Sputnik, Camel breath and chest hair around but some truly awful players too, which kind of evens it up.

I didn't rebuy but took the add on to give me a measily 2000 chips when the freezeout started with blinds at 100/200. I held on until I got KK and pushed with 1500, got called by T4 and doubled up which was nice. From there I had a few hands and pushed preflop a few times, taking down blinds totaling 900, 900 then 1500 twice. That saw me to the final table where it was a real crapshoot. I ended up all in in the big blind with KJs, my only caller flopped a boat and that was it. I had nothing to push with prior to that and it seemed that there was someone all in every hand so I held on.

A prize of £180 for 5th was OK, although I thought I could have got a bit further with a hand or two on the final table. £140 profit a night will do me though!

The WSOP is all over for another year, sort of.

Well that's it, the Danish pro makes a wheel and takes $9 million first prize. Maybe it's me but the least he could do is look happy about it. I saw the interview and boy does he have a personality. I can see how winning poker's equivalent of the lotto can be a bit overwhelming but if I were the one looking for a bag big enough for $9m I'd be running around naked screaming and doing cartwheels (or the 1/2 cartwheels I can still manage). My message to the winner is TRY TO LOOK HAPPY ABOUT IT. Rant number one over.

Rant two - A message to Harrahs - you tried it, it didn't work, so go back to finishing the main event in July please.

I've got that live poker itch again. I've not had a home game for ages and it looks as if I wont get one in before Xmas. I'm going up town today and will try and find a game at one of the following venues ;

Loose Cannon - Still my club of choice as it's easy to get home and pleasing to the eye, but lacking the players to ensure a game.

The Vic - There will be a game, but it's harder for me to get home from West, and last time I went the place was crashed by four Somalis who chinned a bouncer. Nice.

The Empire - They do a 20 quid turbo rebuy at about 7pm and boy is it turbo! I might as well go all in every hand after the rebuys end. You get some awful players there too which can be good or bad (Mind you I'm probably one of them).

The International - If something looks like a dog, smells like a dog and barks like a dog then it's more than likely a dog. This place sounds a lot like the Gutshit, sorry Gutshot. I haven't been there yet though but there's a strange force keeping me away. It could be the fact that I've played with Gutshot regulars and I'd prefer to pluck the hairs from my arse than do it again.

My best bet is to go straight to the Empire at about 7pm, although I still want to give the Cannon another go. I'm mad me.

Gotta Love 'Em

I had a bit of time on my hands the other day at a week long training seminar thingy and the conversation got onto poker. A few lads wanted to learn how to play hold 'em and a few had played lots, or so they said. One in particular said he'd played far too much and got bored with it so he didn't play anymore. Bored with poker?? I've heard of people losing their roll, having a gambling problem or being so rubbish there was no pleasure attached, but getting bored with poker? Never heard that one. Over the course of a few days I listened to the stuff coming out of this bloke's mouth and found out that he'd been playing pub poker in various six week leagues for prizes equating to a night away in a Travelodge in Skegness. No wonder he was bored with it the twat. He was by chance an awful player and soon refused to play as, you've guessed it, he was bored......
I'm still recovering from my nasty bike accident but am going back to work next week. I'm keen to get back into work and normal life, I also want to give the new International Club (Gutshot version two) a try and will report back on it.