Should We Tip The Dealers?

JOE All right. I'll take care of the check. You guys can get the tip. Should be about a buck a piece. And you, when I come back, I want my book.

MR. WHITE Sorry. It's my book now.

JOE Hey, I changed my mind. Shoot this piece of shit, will you?
(They laugh.)

EDDIE All right. Everybody cough up some green for the little lady.
Come on. Throw in a buck.

MR. PINK Uh-uh. I don't tip.

EDDIE You don't tip?

MR. PINK No - I don't believe in it.

EDDIE You don't believe in tipping?

MR. BLUE You know what these chicks make? They make shit.

MR. PINK Don't give me that. She don't make enough money, she can quit.
(Mr. Blonde laughs.)

EDDIE I don't even know a fucking Jew who'd have the balls to say that. Let me just get this straight. You don't ever tip, huh?

MR. PINK I don't tip because society says I have to. Alright, I mean I'll tip if somebody really deserves a tip, if they really put forth the effort, I'll give 'em something extra, but I mean this tipping automatically is for the birds.
(Eddie laughs.)
I mean as far as I'm concerned they're just doing their job.

MR. BLUE Hey, this girl was nice.

MR. PINK She was OK - but she wasn't anything special.

MR. BLUE What's special, take you in the back and suck your dick?
(They laugh.)

EDDIE I'd go over 12% for that.

MR. PINK Hey Look, I ordered coffee, right? Now we've been here a long fuckin time, and she's only filled my cup three times. When I order coffee, I want it filled six times

MR. BLONDE Six times? Well, you know, what if she's too fucking busy?

MR. PINK Words "too fucking busy" shouldn't be in a waitress' vocabulary.

EDDIE Excuse me, Mr. Pink - the last fucking thing you need's another cup of coffee.

MR. PINK Jesus Christ - I mean these ladies aren't starving to death. They make minimum wage. You know, I used to work minimum wage. And when I did, I wasn't lucky enough to have a job society deemed tip-worthy.

MR. BLUE You don't care they're counting on your tips to live?
(Mr. Pink rubs two of his fingers together.)

MR. PINK You know what this is? It's the world's smallest violin playing just for the waitresses.

MR. WHITE You don't have any idea what you're talking about. These people bust their ass. This is a hard job.

MR. PINK So's working at McDonald's, but you don't feel the need to tip them, do you? Why not? They're servin ya food. But no, society says don't tip these guys over here, but tip these guys over here. That's bullshit.

MR. WHITE Waitressing is the number one occupation for female noncollege graduates in this country. It's the one job basically any woman can get and make a living on. The reason is because of their tips.

MR. PINK (pauses) Fuck all that.
(They all laugh.)

MR. BROWN Jesus Christ!

MR. PINK Hey, I'm very sorry that the government taxes their tips. That's fucked up. That ain't my fault. It would appear that waitresses are just one of the many groups the government fucks in the ass on a regular basis. You show me a paper says the government shouldn't do that, I'll sign it. Put it to a vote, I'll vote for it. But what I won't do is play ball. And this non-college bullshit you're giving me, I got two words for that: "Learn to fuckin type." Cause if you're expecting me to help out with the rent, you're in for a big fuckin' surprise.

MR. ORANGE Hey - he's convinced me. Give me my dollar back.

EDDIE Hey! Leave the dollars there.

JOE All right, ramblers, let's get ramblin'. Wait a minute. Who didn't throw in?

MR. ORANGE Mr. Pink.

JOE Mr. Pink? Why not?

MR. ORANGE He don't tip.

JOE He don't tip? What do you mean you don't tip?

MR. ORANGE He don't believe in it.

JOE Shut up. What do you mean you don't believe in it? Come on, you, cough up a buck, you cheap bastard. I paid for your goddamn breakfast.

MR. PINK Alright - since you paid for the breakfast, I'll put in, but normally I would never do this.

JOE Never mind what you normally would do. Just cough in your goddamn buck like everybody else. Thank you.


I rest my case.........