tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-60797746603356899122023-11-16T10:58:04.733+00:00The Knowledge of London By ScampFrom dreaming of poker riches to dreaming of the green gold..Scampmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13266576615849375580noreply@blogger.comBlogger138125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079774660335689912.post-33993239837554248932011-05-31T15:08:00.003+01:002011-05-31T15:26:41.508+01:00Success at Memory Loss TowersA great day at the towers...<br />I was on seven points on 28's so looking for a cheeky 'A' grade to drop to 21's. I've been working so hard since the last appearance my head has been spinning. This is what's going on at the moment;<br />1. Grief at work which will probably go on for two years and give me a 50/50 chance of getting sacked.<br />2. Appearance today for the drop.<br />3. Taxi lesson yesterday, taxi driving test next week.<br />4. Motorbike course week after next.<br /><br />So to my appearance. I was called in about half an hour late by Mr Hall. He spoke a few kind words before the appearance which really put me at ease. What a gent that man is. <br />The runs I had were ;<br />Prendergast School - Horniman's SDOL<br />Thomas Tallis School - Plumstead Taxi Rank<br />Deptford Police Station - Hither Green Railway Station<br />Plumstead Cemetery - Chis N' Sid Grammar School<br /><br />I ran the runs well and sat back holding my breath, knowing I'd done enough for a good score. What I wasn't ready for was Mr Hall saying 'That's one of the best appearances I've witnessed in three years, you got a double A.' What a great feeling, 19 points on 28's. I'd put in so much work for a good score, even missing Britain's Got Talent last night to keep studying (I know, I know I'm so committed..)<br />My next appearance is 18th July so 48 days to wait for a 21, but I'm not complaining at all. The sooner that comes round the better, I just want to push on. <br />Back to the maps tommorrow after a whole bottle of Chablis tonight, it won't touch the sides!!Scampmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13266576615849375580noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079774660335689912.post-61957575852080649342011-05-05T09:24:00.003+01:002011-05-05T09:37:17.667+01:00The Game has Changed..'Unfortunate work circumstances have dictated that I look at alternative incomes' - That's the official version and I'm sticking to it. The details of what's been happening over the last year will become clear in time, but I can't talk about it here as the circumstances I mention are still being resolved.<br /><br />With that going on the poker dreams have to wait and I need to think about keeping my house if I get the sack. When all this blew up in June 2010 I decided to do the Sector three Knowledge of London yellow badge to find a way to earn a reasonable wage to stay afloat. Nearly a year later I'm on 7 points on 28's after a very respectable AA on 56's, a C and a B on 28's. <br /><br />I'm hoping to get an A on my next appearance in May then get my yellow badge in December. The plan then is to apply to start my green badge, and that's when I'll blog my progress on here to keep me sane and record the madness of London life. I'll also fully explain the scoring system I mentioned above for those who aren't aware.<br />Anyway I'm headed to the big smoke now to meet up with my pops for a beer or two..Scampmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13266576615849375580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079774660335689912.post-26654673511873948852010-10-02T21:31:00.001+01:002010-10-02T21:34:01.984+01:00Rush Ups and DownsI must admit I've been playing more Battlefield than poker recently, but I'm still addicted to Rush poker on Full Tilt. I dropped $120 in an awful session last week so I had a few days off, but thanks to a few flopped sets against pocket rockets I'm climbing up again. The job sitch is still in the balance, so I'll report on that when I've got some news. Good luck out there.Scampmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13266576615849375580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079774660335689912.post-60285258678017011602010-09-16T18:51:00.002+01:002010-09-16T19:20:02.356+01:00Feel The Rush....I'm still going through hell at work, but it's ok, I'm dealing with it by drinking loads and playing rush poker on Full Tilt. I only play two tables at once as I'm getting old and four tables made my head spin and my wallet shrink. I think I'm addicted to the speed of the hands and the ammount of quick rake generated. I'm grinding out a $300 bonus too which always helps. I'll do a proper update when I get past this difficult time.Scampmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13266576615849375580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079774660335689912.post-24729166556549544722010-08-14T08:42:00.002+01:002010-08-14T08:45:17.530+01:00Still Pushing OnI'm still in the middle of a shit sandwich at work, and there's no end in sight just yet. I've been playing a bit of Pokay on Betfair recently and doing OK. I play $11 double ups and make a few quid here and there. Once this period of uncertainty about my job has passed I'll get back on it, live and online. I'm keen to get up the Fox poker club in London to show those boys a few moves (or not). <br /><br />Anyway keep it real gents.Scampmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13266576615849375580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079774660335689912.post-39531318562820185472010-08-01T08:46:00.001+01:002010-08-01T08:49:27.628+01:00Et tu, Brute?Sorry I've not been on for a while, I'm going through some shit at work where it seems the whole world is turning it's back on me. Allies are few and far between, and I've got a battle on to keep my job. I will get through it one way or another, although I might be going pro at poker sooner than I expected! I'll post again when this is sorted. Take it easy gents.Scampmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13266576615849375580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079774660335689912.post-76539112853636712162010-06-04T21:36:00.002+01:002010-06-04T21:45:37.062+01:00My Best Comeback Ever!I just played a Pokerstars $11 double up and lost a big pot to end up with 5 chips from my starting stack of 1500, the lowest ammount of chips you can have on the site (I think). Did I give up? Not at all. Blinds were 100/200 with a 25 ante. I was all in for these hands;<br /><br />Ace seven suited, made a flush to put me upto 35 chips (yeah)<br />Five seven off vs king ten, spiked a 5 on the flop - 165 chips<br />Pair of fours - Hit a set then a house to win - 615 chips<br />King seven off - two other players in the hand, I missed the flop and thought they'd check it down, until a crazy bloke made a min bet to isolate me on the flop with 62 off! I won that hand and was chip leader with 1865 chips, then I cruised to a glorious victory. What a mad game!Scampmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13266576615849375580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079774660335689912.post-78114823581586707142010-06-01T11:29:00.002+01:002010-06-01T11:31:51.081+01:00Leap Years ExplainedWishing to impart some knowledge of the universe upon my wife the other night I said to her 'Do you know why we have leap years?' She looked at me in all seriousness and said 'So people can get engaged?' I give up...Scampmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13266576615849375580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079774660335689912.post-49738385934598363102010-05-22T12:22:00.002+01:002010-05-22T12:29:12.598+01:00Getting Back into itNow that I've got over the Marathon and returned from the hell hole that is Cuba I can concentrate on poker. Who am I kidding? I've got work, wife and decorating to do now, then I'll have studying to do before my next big exam in September (which if I pass means an extra 8k a year). I've come to the conclusion online poker is a young man's game, purely for the fact that when I was a young man I had so much time it was unreal. I used to watch episodes of Star Trek all morning for fuck's sake! Now I haven't got a minute to spare which is rubbish. <br /><br />I'm making $2 a SNG playing $11 double ups, so if I can pump out 1500 games this year I'll have my flight money for Vegas next year. I can multi table four tables easily, so the way I figure it seven hours of SNGs a week should do it. It would be so good if I could get away with a sneaky game at work, but there's no chance of that. <br /><br />Anyway back to the ceiling painting....Scampmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13266576615849375580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079774660335689912.post-53133929795916938212010-04-27T13:35:00.002+01:002010-04-27T13:39:50.975+01:00London Marathon 'Victory' ReportWow I'm glad that's over. After a very long and painful 26.2 miles I finished the race in 7hrs 44minutes. I came 36466th, my halfway time was 3hrs 25mins 45secs. 36522 runners finished in the time before the organisers go home, but hundreds of people finished after that. <br /><br />I started out on Blackheath with a plan to run very slowly and hope my injured groin held out. Unfortunately it started hurting at mile two, and despite regular stretch stops, 8 Nurofen tabs, a surgical glove full of ice down the old pants, and a bucket of freeze cream, the pain got worse, forcing me to walk from Surrey Quays (mile 9). I had a two mile run once I crossed Tower Bridge, but the pain got too much and I was walking again from mile 14. Docklands was a long section of the course, seeming to go on forever, however the last six miles was an absolute killer. I was under a bit of pressure to beat 8 hours as quite unfairly, the medal staff go home at 6pm. I wanted that medal like nothing else (apart from a new groin). I tried to step it out over the last few miles but had a couple of times where my legs felt so weak I was going to collapse. I knew if I went down I'd be staying down and would end up on the 'sweep up' coach - probably the most miserable place in London that day. At one point on the South Bank the sweep up coach loomed behind me like a white shark of doom, ready to eat me up for an early evening dinner. I ignored the demonic beast and concentrated on every step, getting there in time for a medal and a wee up a tree. <br /><br />I was completely unprepared for the level of public support I encountered. With my name on my vest, and I couldn't count how many times people shouted to spur me on, giving me their heartfelt support. The people of London make this event the best in the world, and because of that I'd never do a Marathon anywhere else. I'm so glad I had dark glasses on, as the crowd couldn't see my tears of emotion in response to them. What a day. <br /><br />Thankyou everyone so much for donating to this worthy cause. Including offline donations we're well on our way to paying for a child with cancer to get away for a week with their family to have treatment somewhere sunny and warm, and maybe forget for just one moment the reason they're there. That moment is worth 1000 marathons, and so my name will be in the draw for next year and every year from now on. Thankyou all again.Scampmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13266576615849375580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079774660335689912.post-65399516079746506182010-04-18T21:43:00.002+01:002010-04-18T21:48:28.926+01:00Comeback VictoryIn between training for the Marathon and working I thought I'd sample the delights of the Empire Leicester Square on Thursday night. I played in the hairy £20 crapshoot and chopped the £900 prize fund five ways for £180. I made a nice £120 profit, which is better than ingrowing arse hairs.<br />My tournament came down to three hands -<br /><br />My QQ against AK - Winner<br />My AK against QQ - Winner on the river when I hit the Q I needed for broadway. He thought he'd won by making his set, nononono sir!<br />My 33 against a 22. Winner!<br /><br />Once my holiday is over and the Marathon is a blister filled memory I'm going to get back into live poker, or indeed any poker. I've missed it.Scampmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13266576615849375580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079774660335689912.post-63661091397981228572010-02-06T16:55:00.003+00:002010-02-06T17:23:46.786+00:00Mission Failure at The EmpireI actually got to the Empire today only to find their 80 man 2.30pm tourney is now a 60 man affair, so I was put on an <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">alternate's</span> list at number 15. Waiting for 15 people to drop out of a <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">rebuy</span> <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">tournament</span> is not my idea of fun, so I won 30 quid at Roulette and got the fast train home. What a <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">colossal</span> waste of time. Next time I'll get there mega early or book a seat on the phone. Looks like I'll be playing a bit of Party tonight as I'm in the mood...<br /><br />P.S. It wasn't all bad news, I saw Jason Manford in Leicester Square. All I could say was 'Oh look there's that comedian bloke.' He was impressed I could tell.Scampmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13266576615849375580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079774660335689912.post-912638248601687152010-02-02T09:59:00.002+00:002010-02-02T10:09:47.583+00:00Slowly Getting Back into itI had most of January off beer and feel much better for it. I've lost 7lbs and don't have a hangover every day now. I love a drink and will never stop, but I was drinking too much last year.<br /><br />I got my new system and am loving the 24" monitor. I've been playing $11 double ups on Party as they gave me some more free <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">wonga</span>, but I've not multi tabled large just yet. I've made about a ton so far at about 20% ROI, which is so much better than last year.<br /><br />I hate to admit it but my poker has taken a back seat to gaming. I've been playing Eve Online every day, and I got Dirt 2 with my graphics card so I've been on that. I've even ordered a steering wheel, sad git. The thing about PCs is in a year's time I wont be able to play the latest games at top graphics, so I might as well hit it hard while I can. Oh, I've also been on Fallout 3 but haven't really done it justice due to lack of time off Eve. <br /><br />Live poker has been on hold for a load of reasons. I intend to get up to the Empire this Saturday for their 2.30 <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">rebuy</span>, although the £33 <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">freezeout</span> at the International looks tempting.<br />I'll do my P&L figures soon when I've got some more action under my belt. Now back to blasting bad guys...Scampmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13266576615849375580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079774660335689912.post-53022242293008301642010-01-08T11:02:00.002+00:002010-01-08T11:11:21.911+00:00New Year, New BodyI've decided I'm too fat. If you need proof then watch this <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Youtube</span> clip of me and my step son on <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Wii</span> Dance :<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZEpLzshdB4">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZEpLzshdB4</a><br /><br />I can't be held responsible for my step son's dancing. He shares no genes with me.<br />Anyway back to business, I'm off drink now for another two weeks, and I have to say I'm feeling better. I do less when I'm on the booze, as when I have my first drink in the evening I do nothing afterwards. Nothing productive anyway. I'm not saying I'm off booze permanently as I like a beer and will drink till I die. I'm just cutting it out until I drop half a stone etc...<br /><br />My new PC is on it's way, and I've discovered a new addiction that costs me less than poker - Eve Online. I know <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">MMORPGs</span> are for 13 year <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">olds</span> in between wanks, but I like a space game and this is a great escape for me. I plan to play a bit of Eve whilst I'm waiting for a hand in my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">MTTs</span> this year, either that or waiting to stream in a good <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Cliphunter</span> file.....<br /><br />I've played a few <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">SNGs</span> but lost every one. I deserved to lose as I was just messing around really. Party put $50 on my account for nothing which is nice. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">PKR</span> needs to do a bit of that I think.<br /><br />I may get up to the Empire Saturday if the trains are OK. Maybe I'll make a call first to see if they've got a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">crapshoot</span> on. I will report if I go.Scampmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13266576615849375580noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079774660335689912.post-71054759077859861282010-01-01T17:10:00.002+00:002010-01-01T17:24:08.455+00:002009 ResultsIt looks as if I'll be slightly down at poker in 2009. I've not had a bad run mind you. I went to Niagara and Vegas and played in a load of small tournaments, played cash poker at the Bellagio and Mirage, and played a fair few online tournies. Despite being a grinder I'm not making any money at poker anymore. For me the point of being a grinder is making a small profit, not a small loss.<br />This year I'm definitely going to make a poker profit again, and enjoy it in the process. I've put the final year's figures below with a few stats thrown in:<br /><br /><strong>SNGs<br /></strong>Net Win $242<br /># of Tourns Played 963<br />Win Rate ($/Tourn) $0<br />%ROI 4%<br />Amount Wagered $6,438<br />Gross Win $6,680<br />1st 42%<br />2nd 25%<br />3rd 4%<br />Money Finish 52%<br />Max Money Streak 10<br />Out of Money 48%<br />Max Lose Streak 7<br />Biggest Downswing $223<br /><br /><strong>Cash Games</strong> <br />Net Win ($466)<br />Win Rate ($/hr) -$8.87<br />Hours Played 53<br />Hands Played 2,832<br />Net Win (BB) 323<br />Win Rate (BB/hr) 6.1<br />Win Rate (BB/100) 11.4<br />St. Dev. (BB per session) 25.9<br />Max Downswing ($) $747<br />Max Downswing (BB) 109<br />Average Session Length (hr) 0.9<br /><br /><strong>MTTS<br /></strong>Net Win ($48)<br /># of Tourns Played 111<br />Win Rate ($/Tourn) ($0)<br />%ROI -2%<br />Amount Wagered $2,213<br />Gross Win $2,165<br />Tourneys Won 3<br />Final Tables 30<br />Money Finish 22%<br />1st Quartile 32%<br />2nd Quartile 23%<br />3rd Quartile 23%<br />4th Quartile 17%<br />Biggest Downswing $1,285Scampmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13266576615849375580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079774660335689912.post-77104510881794836252009-12-29T20:13:00.002+00:002009-12-29T20:34:40.891+00:00Christmas WishesWell that's the hard bit over anyway. Christmas came and went with only one family incident, when I nearly smacked my Father in law over the rules of shoot pontoon and the fact that whilst taking my money he was making up new rules when he felt like it. For the sake of the other people in the room and the fact that I'm not usually violent I resisted the temptation to flip the living room table over and walk out.<br /><br />In a gambling sense I'm making a small profit at live Backgammon at lunch times, and I haven't played any poker for over a while. It looks as if I'll be down at poker in 2009 but not by much. I've decided to play more live poker, so it looks like it's The Empire, The Vic and dare I say it The Loose Cannon for me. I really hope Roy and the others get back into regular poker at the Cannon, as it really is a fantastic venue. I was glad to read <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Jimbo</span> finished the year in profit, I've made a mental note to be very wary of playing the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Dungbeetle</span> in cash games due to some of the crazy hands I've read about.<br /><br />It looks like we're giving Vegas a break from us in 2010. Needless to say if I go somewhere where there's no poker and I spend the same amount of money I will not be a happy bunny.<br /><br />My New Year's resolutions are ;<br />1. Run most of the Marathon and don't cheat.<br />2. Don't booze for the first 3 weeks<br />3. Play lots of live poker<br />4. Finish the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">ensuite</span> bathroom<br />5. Lose some weight.<br /><br />Happy New Year all.Scampmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13266576615849375580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079774660335689912.post-40656896974305894712009-12-16T08:58:00.002+00:002009-12-16T09:03:18.496+00:00Poker WildernessI haven't been playing much poker recently. This is mainly due to work, Xmas, doing the ensuite shower room and losing online. I've even stalled on ordering my new PC as I'm just too busy to play at present. I still love the game and will get back on it in the New Year.<br />I'm off out for a beer and a curry tonight with my bro, and have a big night out in Covent Garden Thursday. For those of you who are religious then Merry Christmas, for those of you who are like me, enjoy any free days off you get.Scampmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13266576615849375580noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079774660335689912.post-78708610901664717232009-12-06T20:43:00.001+00:002009-12-06T20:46:32.843+00:00Argos and Wetherspoons Rant of the Day<div align="left"><strong>Argos Stores</strong></div>Now, don't get me totally wrong. I'm not against the retailer per se. If you want something cheap, cheerful and functional it's a great place to shop. Stuff for kid's bedrooms that you know they'll junk eventually. Items they don't supply at work but you need and object to spending a fortune on (my desk lamp for instance). If you do the internet thing you avoid the main problem I take issue with but you're then at the mercy of the delivery company. So, if you're a "need it now" type then it's off to the nearest branch, and that's where the problems begin.<br />It's the customers.<br />From the moment you pull open the door you know you've probably just arrived at Chav Central Station. Ordinary folk do the sensible thing. Tap a number into the touch-screen, select the item, pay using your PIN card and take your ticket to the counter.<br />Not so your track-suited genetic misfit who's arrived with three kids and zero ideas on how to control the little bastards. No amount of yelling "Chelsea. Get 'ere nah!" is going to have the desired effect as the grubby, snotty little beasts tear around the shop floor as if they've just mainlined the e-numbers from Iceland food straight into their arteries.<br />Because Mrs. Throwback has to queue to pay cash at the desk she's trapped in the place for much longer than you think is safe. So you try to ignore the chaos, all the time begging every god you ever worshipped that the three brats will rush to the same spot, at the same time, collide with a satisfying wallop and knock themselves unconscious.<br />Then there's the dim-witted knuckle dragger at the Returns Desk who can't seem to grasp a very simple notion. If you bought your ghastly daughter an i-pod six months ago and she's;<br />a) lost it for a week,<br />b) found it in the front garden,<br />c) been sick on it after too much White Lightning, and<br />d) dropped it down the cludgee, twice, while pissed,<br />chances are the assistant manager isn't going to consider a refund on a small electrical apparatus that looks like it's been to Afghanistan and back, strapped to the outside of a tank.<br />Shouting very loudly that you know your consumer rights, in the hope that causing a fuss is going to embarrass the chap into giving you your money back just to get rid of you, isn't going to wash in here, matey. They've seen it all and you're just making yourself look an even bigger cock than you already are.<br />So, having failed to bully the staff into surrendering to your foul-mouthed tirade it's time to stomp off to the subject of my next rant.<br /><br /><strong>Wetherspoons<br /></strong>Ye, gods. If this is the shape of things to come for British pubs no wonder the licensing trade's diving head-first down the pan. Now, I've spoken to people in the business and Wetherspoon's have a cleverly cynical marketing strategy. They buy vast quantities of stuff that's getting near the end of it's cellar life then push it out to their branches where it's going to sell best. It's offered at cut prices, was at the cheaper end of the market to start with and sold in a former shop that's been converted into what's supposed to be a boozer but looks more like an amusement arcade......run by the witless........for the benefit of.....yep, here he comes.<br />It's yer man from Argos.<br />With a face like thunder and a temper to match.<br />In here he can drink himself into a stupor on bargain basement Stella Artois and shout into his mobile to his bawling daughter that she'll have to wait for his next benefit cheque to come through before she can have a new music player. That or steal one from a sleeping drunk on a late-night train.<br />But I digress. Back to the Bar For The Brain-dead. <br />Sat around tables dotted about a carpet that looks like it's been dragged along the riverbank at low tide are the early crowd. Usually red-nosed male pensioners who've come to take advantage of Worthington's Best Bitter at £1.50 a pint. Served from 9.00am until closing time, 3.00am the next morning. Not that the early set will make it that far. By midday they've put the world to rights in conversations with their equally geriatric mates and been to the pisser eight times to empty the bag. One favoured topic of conversation will be the bloody awful surroundings they're forced to drink in but they'll be back at 9.00 o'clock tomorrow morning.<br />Almost knocking the door down as it's sleepily opened by the college failure who's supposed to have been trained to a high degree in the licensing business at Wetherspoon's very own in-house Academy for the Terminally Stupid.<br />He's highly skilled at draining every last drop of rancid ale from a stainless steel keg but wouldn't know how to keep a real ale in a wooden barrel if you tried to teach him at gunpoint.<br />He can fix a new optic of 'two for one' pathetic vodka to the rack blindfolded but ask him for a straight malt whisky and he'll blurt back "How much lemonade would you like with that?"<br />Meanwhile the early set mutter away as the glassy-eyed benefit scrounger makes the fruit machine beep, whizz and pop as he slavishly feeds the very machine that will be the ruin of him. He'll slaver like one of Pavlov's dogs and get a semi-stiffy every time the device gives him a 'double nudge', all the time sipping Foster's, struggling to drink, think and stand upright all at the same time.<br />Bang on 12.30 the old codgers will have stumbled to the bus stop and been replaced by the Office Crowd. They know the place is a bloody cess-pit but it's close to the workplace to cut down on travelling time. So they can have an extra pint as they bemoan to their colleagues about how the manager is a cut-throat bastard and Sandra from Human Resources would 'get it' if she wasn't engaged to him.<br />Their circulatory system isn't hardened enough from stress quite yet so it's time to shovel down an All Day Breakfast that looks like it's really has been sat on a greasy hot-plate all day. Then back to the office for another three hours of shopping and porn on the firm's computers.<br />Eventually the evening crowd will fill the place to quaff alco-pops, JD and cokes and pints of Stella until the tilt mechanism flicks in one of them and they start a fight that makes the War in Iraq look like a dispute over a parking ticket.<br />Blood, snot and gore running down the steps of the pub as the crazed pillock rips off his T shirt and yells "Come on, then you carrrnts. Let's 'ave it!' before another lout cracks him over the swede with a Budweiser bottle and the constabulary arrive to find utter bedlam and several dozen potential witness who were all in the kharzi at the critical moment.<br /><br />That's enough ranting for one morning. I'm off to a real inn for decent pint.Scampmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13266576615849375580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079774660335689912.post-34020688026701270042009-11-29T10:10:00.007+00:002009-11-30T11:44:29.363+00:00Genuine Australian Tourism Website Q&AThese were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)<br /><br /><span style="color:#c0c0c0;">Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK ).<br />A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.<br /><br />Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )<br />A:Depends how much you've been drinking.<br /><br />Q:I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden)<br />A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.<br /><br />Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK)<br />A: What did your last slave die of?<br /><br />Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )<br />A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe . Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not ... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.<br /><br />Q:Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA )<br />A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.<br /><br />Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )<br />A:Why? Just use your fingers like we do...<br /><br />Q:Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )<br />A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.<br /><br />Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )<br />A: You are a British politician, right?<br /><br />Q:Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )<br />A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.<br /><br />Q:Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )<br />A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.<br /><br />Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )<br />A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.<br /><br />Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? (USA)<br />A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.<br /><br />Q:Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )<br />A: Only at Christmas.<br /><br />Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )<br />A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.</span>Scampmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13266576615849375580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079774660335689912.post-47867020590230812872009-11-29T09:51:00.003+00:002009-11-29T10:03:54.211+00:00Sending Me Over the EdgeEveryone was away this weekend apart from my faithful hound, so what did I do? Instead of going to the pub and getting smashed or going to the Empire to play some cash poker with reckless abandon I decided to have a good crack at finishing the en suite shower and sink fitting. I was doing really well when at about 8pm Friday night I thought about stopping work for beer. I decided to work on, and managed to break a waste pipe that was behind a toilet and couldn't be got to without removing half a wall. I've been feeling a bit run down for a while and have had a three month long cold (which must be some kind of record), so once I realised the gravity of what I'd done I had no option but to burst into tears and ring my Mum. Not once did I think 'I'm nearly 40, should I really be bawling over a fucking pipe?'<br />Anyway to cut a long story shortish my Brother came round and we spent four hours fixing the pipe, so now I'm back to where I started with a wall to rebuild.<br /><br />I suppose it goes to show getting drunk and playing poker is much less stressful than DIY. Curiously enough I nearly won a PKR break thru tourney that night after a bottle of Chablis, so I guess it's not all bad news.Scampmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13266576615849375580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079774660335689912.post-7188451380885055022009-11-23T17:01:00.002+00:002009-11-23T17:09:14.744+00:00Very Strong BackgammonI've been concentrating on Backgammon and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">DIY</span> in the last few weeks. Poker has taken a back seat as I've decided I'm a fish at online poker and need to consider a complete change of direction. I need to move away from <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">SNGs</span> and low buy in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">MTTs</span> and look towards cash games to make a bit of cash. Before I go down that road though I need to get Hold 'em manager, Poker Tracker or a similar program and get mining for data.* Once I've got it all in place I can start raking it in.<br /><br />The Backgammon is coming on, with a small profit in the last couple of months. The lads at work are even talking about having a backgammon night with beers etc. I never thought in a million years I'd be going round <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">someone's</span> house to play a board game for money. I do love the game though.<br /><br />I'm still doing the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">ensuite</span> shower. Honestly I'm still doing it <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">wifey</span>...<br /><br /><br /><br />* I just thought, I come from long line of miners, and far be it from me to buck the family trend.Scampmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13266576615849375580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079774660335689912.post-81003941793978492582009-11-10T13:20:00.003+00:002009-11-11T09:27:58.998+00:00Self Improvement RuinedI had it all set up this morning. The house was empty, the coffee was made, the clips were streaming in nicely and the Kleenex was on scene. I was just about to start my self improvement session when I heard a car pull up. It was the Mother in Law/housekeeper turning up an hour early. Bollocks! I knew I had to let her in as she's got a key, so I paused all the clips and welcomed her into my humble abode. She cracked on with the ironing and I was left to ponder whether to go back upstairs, turn the sound down and have a quick danger wank, or shut it all down and retire to the shed to continue my painting. I chose the DIY over the wank, which is a new direction for me.<br /><br />Whilst we're on new directions, my poker hobby is costing me money this year so I may start to play more online Backgammon. The downside of that is I have even more paranoia over cheating at Backgammon than poker, as it's a game of complete information. In the live arena I won a 40 quid game yesterday against one of my colleagues which must have hurt, so that may be the way to go.Scampmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13266576615849375580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079774660335689912.post-85514634353445682832009-10-29T21:09:00.002+00:002009-10-29T21:19:22.330+00:00Bonus Bashing and BackgammonI've been playing loads of $11 double up SNGs on Party trying to grind out a bonus with some success, then a load of failure. I just can't seem to get anything together online anymore. At least it's not my job, just a bit of a release after work.<br />On the subject of work I'm up about £70 in Backgammon this month. My team are totally addicted to the game after I brought a board in for lunch breaks a few months ago. I lost money the first month, but am making up for it now with win after lovely win. My lot probably think they've been hustled, but I'm no better than them in general. The difference is I'll buy books and practice online, when they just play at lunch time. In the long run I can't lose.<br /><br />In a poker sense I wish Akenhead lots of luck in the WSOP, I'm gutted it's not on TV or even the web, but that's a sign of the times.Scampmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13266576615849375580noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079774660335689912.post-53414739506035232472009-10-24T18:14:00.003+01:002009-10-24T19:46:11.080+01:00World Shortage on Computer ChairsAs reported earlier the combined poundage of my wife and I conspired to break my fake leather computer chair the other week, so I've been hunting for a replacement to rest my weary arse on and lose my hard earned cash.<em> </em>I had no idea buying a chair would be so hard. I've been to PC World, M&S, John Lewis and all bloody over the net for a nice black padded computer chair that is not over a ton and and a half. I've come to the conclusion that whatever Chinese sweat shop makes the aforementioned chairs have gone on strike for an extra Dollar a day. I wish I could contact the factory direct and pay Mr Woo a few quid to knock me one up. Until I get one I'm on a hard plastic <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">jobbie</span>, and my arse is numb.<br /><br />Despite the anal problems the poker results are on the up. I tried desperately to lose a few quid to my mate who's going bankrupt but I couldn't lose a hand against the poor fucker and won forty quid off him last week. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Betfair</span> gave me a free $20 to spend on a tourney so I entered a $27 <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">SNG</span> and came second for $67. I intend to get up to the Empire or International soon as I need to get my feet wet in the live arena again.<br /><br />Current <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">DIY</span> projects ;<br />Fit Shower and tile en suite<br />Move my cupboard door<br />Make Backgammon board from wood<br />Make big f*kin workbench in the garage as I'm never going to have an Audi <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">TT</span> or Z car again<br />Look into increasing the size of the vegetable patch (great success in veg this year)<br /><br />Back to work next week after nine days off, joy...Scampmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13266576615849375580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079774660335689912.post-67381764038578290322009-10-18T14:06:00.002+01:002009-10-18T14:19:47.194+01:00All Work, No Play is OverI earned myself 800 quid extra over the last two weeks which will pay for half my new PC, I'll get the other half next time I get overtime. It's nice to get back to normality, and to celebrate I went to Mad Pat's home game last night. Pat is a good host but a terrible organiser, so I chipped in and helped with the blind structure. There were a few reasonably new players there which slowed things down to a snail's pace, but their money is as good as everyone else's so they're welcome.<br /><br />I'm off down to Warmwell for a few days so it'll be kitchen table poker with the outlaws, and Haven Holiday entertainment nights. I don't know if I take that much fun.Scampmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13266576615849375580noreply@blogger.com0