We Don't Let Outsiders Win Here....

Do you ever get the feeling you should have stayed at home and watched 'Britain's Got Talent'? Ok maybe not Britain's Got Talent, but some other fine TV show like 'Everest ER' or 'Match of the Day' would have gone down a treat.

The reason for this feeling is I intended to play some poker at The Empire yesterday but my plans were scuppered when I decided 'It's Bank Holiday! Let's drive up to London, I'll get parked easily!' How wrong I was. The world and his wife were in Central London and there wasn't a parking space anywhere. I refuse to pay 15 quid an hour at NCP on principal, so I drove all the way back home, had a coffee, then took the wife down to the G Casino at Thanet for their ten pound, one rebuy + five pound bounty tournament. You start with 5k in chips and it's a 30 minute clock so it's a slow one. I've become so used to The Empire Hairy Crapshoot and it's mega fast structure, this tournament dragged on so long it hurt. What also hurt was the low prize pool. Out of 63 runners, if I'd finished my usual 9th I would have cashed for 20 quid.

The 'G' at Thanet is populated by a load of regulars and a few internet kids who think they invented the game. The regulars hate seeing outsiders win a pot. They give a running commentary whilst a hand is being played and have a five minute post mortem when a hand finishes, especially if the outsider has the bare faced cheek to win. If I was in my young and hot tempered days I would throw a few fucks around the room just to raise pulses a bit, but these days I'm much more mature and easy going. I just take it all in and smile inside. Another thing about the regulars is their hygiene - they smell like they've been out in the fields digging potatoes all day. To be fair they probably have (Thanet is a big farming area of Kent), they could have stopped off for a quick shower before playing. Even the dealers were chipping in to ensure the room stunk of man sweat. Not good for my concentration.

As the night went on and tensions rose so did the body odour. By the time we were down to two tables the smell was so bad that visibilty was getting quite poor. Needless to say the wife finished in about 30th and I busted in 13th - only four off that 20 quid bonanza I was expecting. I've never been so pleased to bust out of a tournament in my life. Bring back the Hairy Scary Empire Crapshoot! All is forgiven!

My Pride and Joy - Home Grown Chilis!